Who Can Satisfy?

Who can satisfy my soul like You?

The first line to one of my favorite praise songs. The answer, no one or nothing. So why do I keep searching? Why do I long for what is tangible in my thoughts and beliefs, when all the while, God is more tangible than my wildest imagination. All I have to do is cry out to Him. He promised to never leave Me or forsake me. Every time the ground beneath me gets shaky, I worry, I get scared, I get totally stressed out. Why not talk it out with Him? I don't know. God wrote me a personal love letter when He penned the Bible. He wants to have a relationship with me. His relationship with me is the only thing that will ever truly satisfy me. He is a Jealous God and will not share me with any other god. God loves me so much that He sent his Son to die for me! Jesus knew no sin, yet suffered, bled and died and would have still if I was the only person on earth. How much better can I be told that I am loved by God?

I look around and I see so much evil, so much chaos and confusion, such overwhelming circumstances and life threatening to consume me and I automatically assume that I did something to get me there. Often times I did, but you know what? Not always. Sometimes it is the people around me. So what am I to do? I know that I am to examine myself to see if there is fault and if there is correct it. My problem is I tend to be too hard on myself and don't allow myself to be human at times. I have been thinking about what a friend said last night, that when we continually put ourselves down and don't like ourselves, we are saying that God didn't do a good job or that He made a mistake. WOW! God doesn't make mistakes and when He looks at me, because of my salvation, He sees Jesus.

So where to go from here? I think maybe I will actually try to talk to God. Try to form that relationship that He desires and that is the only thing that will satisfy my searching soul. Sure, maybe it will feel awkward at first, but that's kind of how friendships begin anyway, it's awkward talking to strangers, but eventually bonds are formed and hopefully lifelong relationships are begun.

Lord, I am so scared. I know that I should desire a relationship with You, but the truth is that I am scared of You and I have lost my "want to". I have grown up knowing You as only an Angry God that is ready to strike me down at any moment. Show me that You truly want me to come to You. Show me that I am to be convicted and not condemned. Draw me close to You and never let me go! Give me back my "want to" so that I can find the peace and joy that comes from only knowing You! Thank You that You never give up on me and You never leave me or forsake me. In Your Sweet Name I pray...