God is not Surprised

Wow-it has been quite a weekend! One that was filled with some laughter but mostly a lot of tears and anger. Life is sometimes just plain hard and as the Day of Christ draws nearer, I imagine it won't get a whole lot easier. Despite the happenings of the weekend, though, I know one thing that is true. God is not a bit surprised. He knew that one of my dearest friends would betray me and then lie to my face about it in such a way that it was undeniable that she was lying. He knew that one side of my family would turn against the other in anger to the point that one even refused to pray for the other. He knew that though we are stuck in the middle, we have to remain neutral. He knew that the children are the ones that will suffer. You know what? He even allowed it all to happen. So why now, with my knowledge that God is not surprised and that He allows all things to happen for a reason, do I feel such anger, disappointment, and sadness? Why do I feel so helpless and so responsible for things that I have absolutely no control over?

Lord, I just don't understand. Seems sometimes one thing happens right after another and it seems there is no time to breathe in between. Trust is so hard to come by, Lord and when someone dear to me betrays that trust, I just want to retreat even further inside myself. Lord, family is supposed to be the one group of people you can turn to but, Lord, even they have turned against each other now. Help me, Lord. Show me Your Plan. Show me Your Ways and teach me to walk in them. Come make me whole, Lord as only You know how to do. In Your Sweet Name I pray...

I Don't Wanna Be...

A Camouflage Christian. Okay, go with me here for a minute, I know I haven't written in a long time, but I haven't totally lost it-yet. Being married to a hunter and having a little boy that is, well, all little boy, I get to see plenty of camouflage items. Yesterday I began to ponder as Andrew put on his little camouflage boots, what is the meaning of camouflage? You say, "To blend in and not be noticed in your surroundings, right?" That's why all the money and careful time spent on material and clothing that makes you difficult and hopefully impossible to see by whatever you are hunting in the woods. My husband paints even his eyes sometimes so they can not be seen and does something with doe urine, I don't want to know what though-LOL.

But what if we were to take that concept and apply it to our Spiritual Lives? What if we were talking about people that profess Christianity on Sunday but live like the devil during the week? What if people were not ashamed of Jesus on Sunday morning where it is popular to worship and speak His Name, but during the week they did all they could to be careful not to "offend" anyone with their beliefs and even did everything they could to fit in even if it meant sacrificing integrity? What if people didn't look at us and see something different, something desirable? I believe that is what is happening in the world today, in our own back yards. I know that life isn't easy, but Jesus did not call us to an easy life. He simply called us to follow Him. Following Him is getting increasingly more unpopular in this world, but oh, the rewards we will have waiting on us if we do! Jesus told us that it is impossible to serve two masters and God tells us that He will not share His Glory with another. So, today I will do whatever I can to follow after Jesus. I will not be camouflaged for the sake of blending in. In this world, I will have struggles, and boy are they hard, but my rewards in Heaven will be worth it all! I want to live for Jesus so that someone else might see Him through me!

Lord, You alone know my heart. You know my struggles, my insecurities, my fears. Lord sometimes it is so hard to be unpopular. Lord please help me to remember Your Perfect Example and what it cost You. You have loved me with an Everlasting Love so help me to strive to show that love to others. Help me to not sacrifice integrity, even when the road is hard. Help me not to be a "Camouflage Christian". I want You to be the first thing people see when they look at me! I love You, Lord. Thank You for loving me...In Your Sweet Name...Amen

A New Song in My Mouth...

Just about every day I wake up with a song in my mind and on my heart. Today that song is, "Your Grace Still Amazes Me". It's a song that we did in choir about two years ago and I had the solo part so it is well engraved in my mind. Truth is, I've been thinking a lot about grace lately. Grace is God's Unmerited Favor that He has toward us. We did nothing to earn it. Truth is, we can do nothing to earn it. Truly amazing that God chooses to give it to us anyway. You know where I fall short? I live in fear that God's Grace only reaches so far and then, zap, I've gone too far. That if I commit that one unimaginable sin, He is waiting to strike me down at any moment. So grateful that His Truth is so much greater than mine and praying for the day that I no longer live in the fear that so often tries to steal my joy.

My Faithful Father
Enduring Friend
Your tender mercy's like a river with no end.
It overwhelms me, covers my sin
Each time I come into Your presence,
I stand in wonder once again.

Cause Your grace, still amazes me
And Your love, is such a mystery
Each day, I fall on my knees
Cause Your grace still amazes me.

Oh Patient Savior, You make me whole
You are the Author and the Healer of my soul
What can I give You
Lord, what can I say?
I know there's no way to repay You
Only to offer You my praise.

Cause Your grace, still amazes me
And Your love, is such a mystery
Each day, I fall on my knees
Cause Your grace still amazes me.

It's deeper, It's wider, It's stronger, It's higher
than anything my eyes can see.

Your grace, It still amazes me
And Your love, is such a mystery
Each day, I fall on my knees
Cause Your grace still amazes me,
Your grace still amazes me.

Father I thank You for Your Grace. I thank You that You so often give me what I don't deserve. I thank You that You will never leave me nor forsake me. I thank You for the new song in my mouth, this hymn of praise to You. Lord, let my words be few, but my praise be plenty. In Your Sweet Name I pray...

One Life to Love...

Almost all of my thoughts stem from songs either current or from childhood. There is just something about music that speaks to my soul like nothing else. Today is no exception to the rule. I was listening to a song that I believe is actually called, "One Life to Love" today and down came the tears like rain. It talks about how we only get one shot at life and only one shot to find the thing we don't want to miss. In the Christian Aspect of it all, that One Thing is God's Love. Even more important to me is my expression or outpouring of God's Love.

I have had the awesome opportunity to make some great friends through an online forum this year, all of whom God has used to impact and change my life in one way or another. I grew up in the same church I am in now and have always had the same rigorous teaching that led me to think that God was angry with me all of the time and that I was only one mistake away from Him zapping me with His Mighty Hand. These ladies have helped open my eyes to see the Love of God like I have never seen before! I see more Jesus in them than I have seen in most people in my lifetime. They have loved me and prayed for me unconditionally and as a result, I can now see that God truly loves me and indeed has a plan for my life!

I have read a couple of books lately and read some things on missions and ministry that have totally changed my way of thinking. I want to use my one life to reflect God's Love to those who aren't as privileged as I am. I want to be "Jesus With Skin On" just like my friends are to me. I realize now that God lead me to the online forum, that it was not by accident that I got there, and that God led me to read the books and stories when I did. I realize that I have not been doing nearly enough for the Cause of Christ and that it is time to step up and show the same love to others that has been shown me.

So right now, I am just praying that God will lead me to someone that I can show His Love to, someone who is broken and hurting like I was. Though my life feels like chaos, I know that God is working in my heart and there is a strange peace that I know only comes from Him.

Father God, show me the way that you would have me go. Fear is not from You, and right now I am rebuking that fear and satan. Help me to use my "One Life to Love". In Your Sweet Name I pray...

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My Only Hope...

My only Hope is You, Jesus
My only Hope is You.
From early in the morning, 'til late at night,
My only Hope is You.

Clinging today to that Only Hope...

Abba Father, I feel so weak and so alone. I have pushed myself into a corner and against a wall and My Only Hope is truly You. As the song says, "I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold onto me, and Savior please, keep saving me." Help me to know that I am held so tightly by You, that I am engraved in the palm of Your Mighty Hands and that You are never gonna let go. Thank You for loving me and for all You have already done in my life and also for what You are going to do. In Your Sweet Name I pray...

"Oh for Grace to Trust Him More..."

Ever think that you have so much going on inside your head that it will explode? Well, that is me, at least at the moment. I guess sometimes I tend to think too much, but today I think it is a combination of me thinking and God trying to speak to me. The song, "Draw Me Close" just keeps playing over and over in my mind and the more I try to fight the tears, the more they fill my eyes. I've had this anger for the last few months I have been unable to figure out. Anger that scares me. Anger that I have unfortunately, fell into sin in many many times. And then, I pray, halfheartedly and sometimes with few words, asking God to help, to draw me out only to fall back into that same sin sometimes minutes later. I immediately begin to beat myself up thinking how God has to be terribly disappointed in me. In fact, a little while ago, I was thinking just that, "God has to be so disappointed in me." Immediately when that popped into my head, I had another "voice" or thought that said that "He delights in me." Don't remember what verse that is from, don't remember what it is about, but I know I have read it in the Bible and therefore it has to be true. You see, that is the ongoing battle within me. I have a head full of knowledge of all kinds of Scripture, all kinds of Biblical Teaching, all sorts of Biblical Truth. I know so much in my head, I can quote lots of verses and I can even give you a lot of "right answers". My problem is unbelief in my heart.

About a week ago, I was at my aunt's house and a book caught my eye. The title is "Redeeming Love" and it is a fictional portrayal of the book of Hosea. I am almost halfway through it and already I have cried so many tears. The main character is/was a harlot and was rescued from her lifestyle by a Godly man that married her and truly showed her the unconditional love that could only come from God. Agape love. The Love that is so deep, and so strong and so real that it matters not what she did or will do, he never leaves her or gives up on her. You see, I think this book was placed in my hands at God's Will and Timing. I think He is trying to tell me to just Trust Him. Life isn't always easy, most of the time, it's just plain hard, but I need to learn to trust Him. He wants me to know that He is not what I have made Him to be in my mind, a God that turns His back when I've done wrong. He wants me to know that I am not one mistake away from Him leaving me this way. He wants me to know that "No Height nor Depth will keep me from His Love and there is No Place too far out of reach." He won't give up on me! Wow, how undeserving I am! My sinful nature cost Him His Son! And just when I try to run the hardest and the fastest from Him, He pursues me even more. Oh How He loves me!

Draw me close to You,
Never let me go.
I lay it all down again
To hear You say that I'm Your friend.

You are My Desire
No one else will do.
Cause nothing else could take Your Place
Could feel the warmth of Your Embrace.

Help me find the Way
Bring me back to You.

You're all I want,
You're all I've ever needed.
You're all I want,
Help me know You are near.

Father I thank You for your Unconditional Unfailing Love. I thank You that when I try to run the hardest and fastest from You, You pursue me the most. I thank You that You never leave me nor have You ever forsaken me. Lord, help my unbelief. My sinful nature cost You what was most precious to You, yet You willingly gave. Help me now to trust You. Help me to surrender to You daily. You are All I could ever want and more! Help me to believe in my heart what my head already knows. In Your Sweet Name I pray...

Lord, Don't Move That Mountain...

Lord don't move that mountain
Just give me strength to climb.
For if You move that mountain,
I might grow weaker every time.

Probably not the exact words but words to a chorus I remember hearing a lady sing in church as a kid. The words just kinda popped into my head. Don't ya just love it that happens? Somewhere in Psalm 40 it says that "God put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to my God". I believe that is exactly what happens when my heart gets heavy and confused, God puts a song in my mouth and on my heart so that I can again look up.

As this little chorus came into my head, I was taken back to a conversation I had with a friend about a week ago where she brought up the point of how blessed we truly are in America. How as Americans we don't "Need" God like people in other countries do. We have so much, we are spoiled to the point that we forget that God is the "Giver of all good things". So what does it take for us to turn to Him? Well, unfortunately, sometimes it takes Him putting a mountain in our path so that we will turn to Him for the strength to climb it. And, if He moved it as I know He could, we would never develop the desire to follow after Him and seek Him.

Thanking God today for the mountains in my life. They are full of rich nutrients and when I am in the valleys, God sends a rain to wash those nutrients down to me. Lord, don't move the mountains, just give me the strength daily to climb.

You Will Never Walk Alone...

Along life's road
There will be sunshine and rain
Roses and thorns, laughter and pain
And 'cross the miles
You will face mountains so steep
Deserts so long and valleys so deep
Sometimes the Journey's gentle
Sometimes the cold winds blow
But I want you to remember
I want you to know

(Chorus)(Chorus)
You will never walk alone
As long as you have faith
Jesus will be right beside you all the way
And you may feel you're far from home
But home is where He is
And He'll be there down every road
You will never walk alone

The path will wind
And you will find wonders and fears
Labors of love and a few falling tears
Across the years
There will be some twists and turns
Mistakes to make and lessons to learn
Sometimes the journey's gentle
Sometimes the cold winds blow
But I want you to remember wherever you may go

(Repeat Chorus)

Jesus knows your joy, Jesus knows your need
He will go the distance with you faithfully

(Repeat Chorus)

What a promise we have in Jesus, that we will never walk alone! This song has been on my heart this morning and I've been singing it to Him to the point the kids all think I am crazy-LOL. But, at this time in my life, when I feel so lonely and so scared, it is comfort for my weary soul. You see, this song doesn't make me rosy promises like I often hear. It doesn't tell me that it is all going to be okay, it doesn't tell me that it will all work out, it simply tells me that Jesus is beside me all the way. Sure, it tells me that there is going to be sunshine and sometimes the journey will be gentle, but it also tells me that I am going to face mountains and deserts that are steep and long. And, you know what? I think it is better to have Jesus walking beside me through these deserts and mountains than to walk through the most beautiful peaceful places without Him.

So how come I don't always get that in my heart? I always say that I want something tangible, someone tangible. I am often guilty of looking for a Savior in a human being, and that I just won't find. And, what a terrible place I put people in when I do that! No one can be Jesus, He is the Only One able to save me from myself. And, just what if He is tangible, only in other ways. Sure, I can't see Him or touch Him with my hands, but it is just like air, I can not see air or touch air, but I just know and trust that it is there. Why can't I do that with Jesus? Perhaps it is because my focus is not on Him, but on the world around me. The more I try to make sense of the world around me, the more it seems like chaos. I wonder in my human mind why God allows this to happen or that to happen, why the good always seem to die young and the bad live forever. I wonder why some people have to suffer illnesses that rob them of a normal life, and why some don't. I wonder why some people have all the wealth and luck, and some don't. Why do some people seem to have one run of bad luck after another, and for no apparent reason at all? Then I am reminded that we are to store up treasures in Heaven, and that one day, none of this will matter.

Father God, I thank You that I am never going to walk alone. I thank You for the Precious Gift of Jesus Christ dying on a tree for me over 2000 years ago. I thank You that You don't promise all wonderful things in life, because I think if You did, I might forget exactly Who gave it all to me. I thank you for the valleys, because in the valleys, You wash the nutrients from the hilltops down to feed me. I Love You, Lord. Help me to be a servant to You, and help me to love You and trust You more. In Your Sweet Name I pray...

March 1st Snow!!!

On Saturday, February 28th, the temperature here in GA was 70 degrees! On Sunday Morning during church, it started to snow really heavy and the temperature was down around 30! We ended up with about 3 inches accumulation and the kids had a blast! We pulled them on the sled behind the four wheeler through the yard and the field that just the day before, on Saturday, was under 3 inches of water where the creek flooded the field! This was a big surprise to us, we usually don't get snow two years in a row!

Give me a willing heart...

Lord, give me a willing heart
and Lord, give me a brand new start.
Create in me, a love that's real,
and give me a willing heart.

Don't know why, but a lot of old songs and choruses have been popping in my head lately. This one is a chorus that I learned at "Super Wow" when I was twelve years old. But, you know what? It speaks to me today just as freshly as it did that day in June long ago.

Makes me think about just how stubborn I am. Makes me think about how many times, including now, that God is trying to speak to my heart, but everything seems to stop in my head. Like there is a problem in transmission. Change is difficult, oh how difficult!!! And, I get so scared. I wonder so many times if God really sees. But, like I heard in our Bible Study Video the other night, We have a difficult time following Jesus if we live in a life of fear. Ouch!!! I know that God is trying to change me, I know that He is trying to mold me and make me into something so much better, but oh how I have been fighting Him. Why do I do that? I know that His Ways are so much better than mine. Why do I get so scared, so consumed, so overwhelmed?

Lord, I have tried on my own to do this thing called life alone so many times. I can feel Your tug at my heart strings so often, but Lord, I am not always willing to listen. God sometimes change is just scary. But, You did not call me to a life of fear. God, take my heart and make me willing. Willing to be subject to Your Will and willing to let You change me and mold me into whatever You want me to be. You are the Potter and I am indeed the clay. Take the fear and replace it with the peace that only comes from knowing You. Draw me close to You and never let me go!!! In Your Sweet Name I pray...

The Puzzle of Life

Life is like a jigsaw puzzle. We start out at birth, a beautiful picture and whole. Then, as time goes on, life cuts us into pieces. Sometimes those pieces all fall apart and look like the puzzle when you first get it out of the box. All jumbled, all mixed up. Don't get me wrong, you can look at the pieces and tell they were once whole, that they once fit together, but you know it will take work and time to bring some semblance of order again. Like the puzzle, we tend to want to work on the outside pieces first. They are the ones that seem most clearly defined, there are fewer of them and they have edges that clearly tell you that they belong on the outside. Those outside pieces give us our shell, the place where the rest of the pieces have to come together. When we get all of the outside pieces together, there is pride, and it gives us hope that the rest of the pieces will eventually fall into order on the inside. You see, sometimes we can even put the outside pieces together ourselves. But, like the outside of the puzzle, we are empty until the inside somehow comes together. I think sometimes for a while, we can live with just the outside pieces and have people think that we all have it together, but eventually we will prove empty and fragile and crumble. You see, that outside of that puzzle is fragile and gets its strength from its inner pieces and will eventually crumble without them.

I think that is where God does the work. We tend to seek Him most when our outside crumbles. When we don't "have it all together" anymore. Our insides are again vulnerable and when the whole world goes out on us and we truly fall apart, we know that He is, indeed, the only one that can put us back together again. Then, when we have allowed Him to make us whole again, we form a beautiful picture that hopefully looks a lot like Jesus. We aren't perfect by far, because you see, like that puzzle, we have many cracks and jagged edges. But, it is those cracks and jagged edges that make us beautiful and human, just as the cracks and edges of a puzzle make it a puzzle. And, you know what else about those cracks? When we are exposed to the Light of Jesus, He begins to shine through them just as artificial light to puzzle cracks.

My question is, "Why Bother?" Why bother pretending we have it all together on the outside, when we know that that shell of a person will eventually crumble without the One and Only Jesus working on our inside to make us whole again?

Father God, my heart feels like the pieces of a puzzle. Help me to crumble before You, so that You can begin to put my pieces back together again. Help me to realize that those cracks of imperfection are what make me beautiful and allow Your Light to shine through, for without You, there is only darkness. Father, help me to refrain from trying to keep it together on the outside, help me to not worry about what others think of me. Help me to be vulnerable to Your Holy Spirit working through and in me. Come make me whole, Father, as only You know how...In Your Sweet Name I pray...

Cleaning up the mess...Picking up the pieces

Today I find myself reflecting. The other day, Madilyn told me the one thing that she wanted for me to give her for Valentine's Day is a clean room. My first inclination was to get angry. I told her I refused to clean her messes anymore, she was old enough to clean up after herself and needs to learn some responsibility. She then asked me if I would just "help" her clean her room. You see, she ALWAYS promises to keep her room clean when I spend the hours cleaning it and without fail, sometimes not even five minutes later, it is a mess again. And, I don't mean a small mess, I mean the kind of mess that you can not find the floor or the bed for. The kind where there are toys and clothes everywhere, some dirty, some clean and bits and broken pieces of toys and crayons and such. Sometimes scattered pieces of toys just waiting to be put back into the right places. She told my mother once that she thought it was my job to clean up her room. She said that cleaning was just too hard. Whoa, did we have a talk after that one!!!

But, then just this morning it hit me just how like me she is. How many times have I taken my life, made a big mess and then just expected God to clean it up for me? Sometimes I forget to even ask Him, just as often Madilyn forgets to ask me and sometimes He does it anyway just as I do it for Madilyn. It also hit me how many times I have asked Him to clean it up, and without fail or question, He does just that. You see, sometimes when I try to make sweet Madilyn help me clean, she makes a bigger mess than what we started with. I wonder if God thinks the same thing of me sometimes, when I try to "help" Him, I wonder if He is thinking I am just making a bigger mess? Sometimes I forget to just open my heart to God and let Him clean my messes and pick up the scattered pieces.

Lord, help me to know when to let You help me clean up the mess and put back the broken scattered pieces, and when I should just sit back and let You do all of the work. Help me to have the kind of understanding for my children that You have for me, that when life is just too much, just like Madilyn's room gets to be too much for her to clean, help me to take over and clean up their messes like I should. Lord, I know that learning comes from doing also, so help me to distinguish when it is time for me to help, and when I need to just get out of the way. Thank You for Your Grace and that Your Mercies are new each and every day! I love You, Jesus. In Your Sweet Name I pray...

Patience is a Virtue

I waited patiently upon the Lord
He turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet upon a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

Psalm 40:1-2

I've always heard the saying, "Patience is a Virtue". I believe that wholeheartedly, especially when it comes to waiting on God's Timing. I don't, however, think that patience is something we are born with. You see, I tend to be a hurry up and get it done type of person. Waiting feels like it will kill me sometimes. I want answers and I want them now. I think that is only human, but it isn't what God calls us to. Sometimes I think it takes getting to the bottom of that pit for us to look up, face dirty and tear stained, feet cracked and dusty, and hands empty and lifted high as a child reaching for his mother or father to pick him up.

It takes brokenness for us to finally look up and say, "Lord, here am I." It is only in brokenness and desperation that we truly surrender our all to our Maker. It is in our brokenness that we long to be made whole. In our brokenness and sadness we learn patience and worship. Brokenness is something that we should long for.

Father God, I thank you for my brokenness. I thank you for the sadness. Teach me Lord to lift my hands and worship you. Help me to surrender and Lord, help me to wait patiently on You. I know that You are the Only One that can lift me up. Keep my eyes on You, Lord and my heart open to Your Lessons. In Your Sweet Name I pray...

Praise Him When You Don't Feel Like It...

Okay, so we all know the story of Paul and Silas and how they were thrown into prison for preaching the Gospel. How they were severely beaten and then chained to the walls in the dark cold prison. It pains me to think of all the bruises and cuts and blood and all the pain they suffered, all for trying to reach and teach the lost. Yet, the Bible tells us that that night, they started singing songs of Praise to God, despite the great pain they were in. As they sang those songs of praise, a great earthquake shook the prison and the chains and doors were opened and there was every opportunity for them and all of the other prisoners to run, but they didn't. The guard was about to commit suicide because he knew if the prisoners were gone he had to die anyway, but when he heard the shout that everyone was still there, he removed his sword and ultimately he and his family and many others came to know the Lord that day.

I have always believed that God loves to hear His Name lifted up, and the more we lift His Name, the more He is going to bless us for it. That night, Paul and Silas had every reason to wallow in pity, to sit back and have the "Why Me" syndrome that I am so guilty of having, but they chose to sing praise to the God that they KNEW could free them from their chains and set others free from their spiritual captivity.

As a result of their obedience to die to self and live as Christ, there are people in Heaven that would not have otherwise been. I find this story amazing. I find such hope in knowing that if I lift His Name, whether I feel like it or not, He is going to bless me for it. May not be in they way I thought He should, or in a way that I want Him to, but His Ways are so much greater than mine and I have to hold onto the fact that He has the greater plan.

My Abba, I am so tired of myself. I am so tired of the wallowing in pity because my life is not what I thought it would be. Father, You always have the greater plan, yet I choose to try to control my destiny on my own. Life is hard, Father. But, You made the Ultimate Sacrifice. You chose to send Jesus to die for me and everyone that would call out His Name and accept Him. Lord, help me to shine Your Light in this dark and desolate world. Help me to Praise You, even when I do not feel like it, Lord. Help me to die to myself and fill me with Your Holy Spirit, Lord so that everyone knows that through You, and because of You, we have Hope and that nothing on Earth compares to the greatness of knowing You! Lord, I am so weak, but You are so strong. Your Name is a Strong and Mighty Tower. Your Name is a Shelter Like No Other. Thank You for Your Blessings and help me to share Your Love with others. In Your Sweet Name I pray...

Shut Thee Up...

Okay, I know the title is kinda strange, but stick with me for a minute. I had the awesome privilege, (did I mention awesome?) to see the live recording of the Travis Cottrell Concert at First Baptist Church of Woodstock last night. Beth Moore was there and in one of the three times she spoke, she spoke of when Peter saw Jesus, Moses, and Elijah on the mountain, the Transfiguration I think. She talked about how Peter was a talker and how he was knowledgeable and how he knew right away from his studies who Moses and Elijah were. She said he only had one problem, he talked to Jesus more than he listened to Him. She said that she thought maybe at some point, Jesus might want to look at him and say, "Shut thee up and listen". How simple yet so profound!!!

I wonder myself how many times in my life I am trying to take control of the situation, how many times Jesus is speaking to me saying this is where we are going to go, yet I am busy telling Him where I am going to go instead. I wonder how many times He just wants to look at me and say, "Kimberly, Shut Thee Up!" Sometimes I just get so proud of myself, thinking I have God and different situations figured out, so I try to do it my way (which I think is His Way) and it fails. I wonder how many times, in the midst of my pride, in the midst of my struggles, there is that Still Small Voice whispering, "Shut Thee Up?"

Father God, You gave me two ears and one mouth and I have always heard it is so that I will listen more than I talk. Lord, I am so guilty of talking to You and not listening to what You have to say. Help me, Lord, to let go of my pride and my thought that I have finally figured You out and just "Shut Thee Up". In your sweet name I pray...

Help Me...

Help Me, God I'm Scared.
And I'm unprepared to
face the night alone.

Heal Me, hear my prayer.
My soul it aches and I've
nowhere to go.
Help Me God.

In this dark hour I know
only the Power That made
the stars, can mend my heart.

Though I've tried on my own,
but I'm not that strong,
You're all I've got,
You're all I've got,
Help Me God!


Part of another Kathy Troccoli song and probably one that more describes how I feel this morning. Really scared, all the while knowing that the only One who can calm my fear is God.

Lord, I know You're there. I know You see me. God, I am so afraid. You should be the only One that matters, I know it is not about me, but I am having a hard time today putting me aside. Your Word says that You are the Lifter of my Head and today I am asking You to do just that. Cover me, oh Lord. I want to hide in YOU. In the shadow of Your Wing, Your Presence is my Refuge. Soothe my doubts, Lord and calm my fears as only You know how. In Your Sweet Name I pray...

How Would I Know?

How would I know You could deliver?
How would I know You could set free?
If there had never been a battle,
How would I know the victory?

How would I know you would be faithful,
To meet all of my needs?
How would I know?

Not exactly the right words, but the chorus to a Kathy Troccoli song that has been on my mind all day. In this world of uncertainty and trial, God is truly the ONLY one that is faithful to meet all of our needs. Just another reminder today, no matter where you are financially, no matter where you are physically, no matter where you are emotionally, and no matter where you are spiritually, God is still El Roi, the God Who sees and He knows you and He is the Answer to your every need! How Great is OUR GOD!

Touch The Hem

"One Touch". One of my absolute favorite songs by Nichole C. Mullen. All about the woman who was ostracized because of her issue of blood. I got an e-mail from a friend yesterday, actually a forward about that same woman. The topic was "Just Desperate Enough". It was all about how the woman was in the crowd of thousands the day that Jesus came to her town and how she reached out and touched the hem of his robe because she KNEW that through his touch, she would receive healing. She didn't care that she had been excluded from society for twelve years, didn't care that the people in the crowd thought she was not worthy of their presence, she knew that Jesus could heal her.

The devotional talked about how we do things in desperation to survive. In the woman's case, her choice out of her desperation was absolutely the right one and from it she received complete healing. I wonder though, how many are like me and have made some wrong choices? I wonder how many have been so desperate they turn to other bad things to bring temporary comfort hoping it will last just a little bit longer than the last time or hoping maybe it will be different this time? I wonder how many people have turned to those things in desperation to try to solve another issue, and gotten so deep into the new issue that now they have two to deal with instead of the original one? I wonder how long it will take for people like me to get the courage to not care what other people think for once, to ignore insecurity and look up to the ONE and ONLY ONE that can take away the desperation and provide healing once and for all? Every time I think I have the courage, anxiety just slaps me in the face again and I fail.

Now, I am going to ask God for the courage to stand again. I know that I can't, but He can. I know that I am not alone because He promised to never leave me nor forsake me.

Father God, I thank you for desperation. I thank you for allowing me to get to the point that there is truly no where to look but up. God, You tell me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. God, help me to remember that. Help me to remember that You died for me. Help me to remember that no matter what the world may say, You made me and "You don't make no junk". God keep me a willing vessel. Lord, keep me willing to be broken and poured out so that I can be filled with You. I know it will take some work, Lord, but I am willing if You are willing to use me. Here I am...Lord, send me. In Your Sweet Name I Pray...

For Such A Time as This...Esther Retreat

This is what the retreat looked like at about midnight on Friday night-LOL. From left to right are Angie, Ms. Lisa, Kayla, Katy, Ashly, Ms. Beverly, and in the floor are Trish and Kristy. Everyone was tired by this point, most went to bed except me and three others-ha.

Sorry, these pictures are random, haven't figured out how to switch order yet. :) Anyway, from left to right in this picture are Katy (my niece), Kayla, Nichole, Amanda, and Jennifer. They were working on a poster, one of the activities , of one of God's promises to us. Their poster turned out to be the Tree of Life and was incredibly elaborate! It was fun to see all of the artistic ability!

This is Mrs. Karen and Mrs. Carol. Mrs. Karen was the one who was kind enough to open up her home for us to have the retreat/slumber party there. Mrs. Karen is our pianist and a very talented musician. She also plays and teaches harp! How cool is that?

This is my best friend Mechele. Okay, maybe not the best picture of her because her eyes are closed, but that is all I have for now. And, she was laughing and having a good time. :) She and I planned and carried out the Esther Retreat this last weekend. It was a celebration and kickoff of our Beth Moore Study that begins this weekend.

This is Mrs. Belinda, aka Queen Esther. She did a terrific job on her dramatic monologue of the modern day Esther. She spoke of many struggles that Esther faced and how they are not so different from the ones that we face today.

We had 19 ladies to attend Friday and Saturday. We had a great weekend of food, fellowship, and fun. We all made goals for what we would like to get out of the study and learned different ways we can pray for each other during the next ten weeks! I personally learned that God can use any vessel, broken or not as long as we are willing to be molded into what He wants us to be!